Building Courage

When to Ask for Help

A reflection on injury, aging, acceptance, and the strength it takes to admit you cannot do everything alone.

4 min readApril 16, 2025

I don't know myself as a man that gets hurt or needs help.

But I’m hurt, and I need help.

A few weeks ago I was in the hospital after a freak soccer injury.

For the last few weeks, I've been on and off crutches but even with that, no CT scan and no doctor could make me accept the truth that I was working so hard to ignore — I was hurt and I needed help.

I even had an episode where I tripped over my friend’s dog and my already sensitive leg muscles locked up, immobilizing me on the floor.

Luckily, I had my friend there to fireman carry me to a hot tub so that my muscles could relax and I could move them again.

All of this happened and yet I refused to admit:

I am hurt, and I need help.

The Moment I Finally Admitted It

And then, this past weekend, I stood up to go to the bathroom and I noticed the extra effort.

I noticed that my leg wasn't working the way it normally does and something about that moment — simple as it was — made me finally admit:

I am hurt.

And I need help.

I fell back to the floor just like I had when I tripped over the dog a week before but this time I sat back and I grieved.

I grieved the part of me that doesn't need support.

I grieved the body that worked with ease.

The body that did what I wanted it to without even having to think about it.

It was excruciating.

As I sat and cried harder than I'd cried in years, my mind started to spin off into doomsday scenarios.

Is this it?

Is this what it's like to get older?

To just slowly decay until your body just …gives up?

Is this what age is like?

Is this what change is like?

And so I sat there and went through the roller coaster of self-pity that eventually became the very tumultuous and terrifying landing of acceptance.

Of accepting things as they are.

Acceptance Is Not Defeat

And eventually, after I had contemplated all the doomsday scenarios and wrestled with the reality of my situation, I came to one conclusion.

At the bottom of the fears of becoming old and crippled and past the resistance to the dramatic and unstoppable gravity of time, one thought remained:

Even if this is what age is like, even if this is what the other side of being young and unbreakable feels like…

One thing is for sure:

I ain't dead yet.

I’m hurt.

I need help.

But I ain’t dead yet.

And hopelessness is the drink of cowards, and I for one, am no coward.

That's one thing that's not changing.

So do what you can, as well as you can — until the moment comes when you can’t.

And when that moment comes, don’t mistake surrender for defeat.

Aging isn’t ending.

At least not yet.

I write this in the hopes that it supports someone in the journey that we’re all on: the journey into the future.

A future where, just like every other human that has ever existed, we get older and things don’t work like they used to.

I send this as a loving invitation to accept things as they are but also, as a reminder to not fall into apathy.

The passing of time and the onset of age is inevitable but the fall into hopelessness is a choice.

If you’re hurt, ask for help.

But never lose hope.

Key takeaways

Asking for help is not the same as giving up.
Sometimes the hardest thing to accept is not the pain itself, but the identity shift that comes with needing support.
Acceptance is not defeat. It is the moment you stop arguing with reality long enough to respond to it.
Strength does not always look like pushing through. Sometimes it looks like telling the truth about where you are.
Hopelessness is not the inevitable result of pain, injury, aging, or change. It is one possible response — and not the only one available.

Questions this insight opens

When should you ask for help?

You should ask for help when the cost of pretending you are fine becomes greater than the discomfort of being honest. If your body, mind, work, or relationships are showing you that something is not functioning the way it used to, asking for help may be the most courageous next step.

Why is it hard to ask for help?

It is hard to ask for help because needing support can feel like a threat to your identity. If you know yourself as strong, capable, independent, or high-performing, admitting need can feel like failure. But needing help is not failure. It is information.

Is asking for help a form of weakness?

No. Asking for help is often a form of strength because it requires honesty, humility, and acceptance. Weakness is not needing support. Weakness is refusing to tell the truth when reality is already telling it for you.

What is the difference between surrender and defeat?

Defeat is the belief that nothing can be done. Surrender is the willingness to stop fighting reality so you can respond to it clearly. You can surrender to what is true without surrendering your hope, effort, or dignity.

How can coaching help when you feel stuck or overwhelmed?

Coaching can help you tell the truth about where you are, separate acceptance from hopelessness, and identify the next honest step. For creative leaders, founders, and high-achievers, coaching can be especially useful when the old way of pushing through stops working.

If this insight named something you’re navigating in your own life or leadership, explore coaching with Imari.

Continue