Building Courage
What Is More Important Than You Are?
A reflection on courage, purpose, and the strange power that appears when something matters more than your own comfort.
Last week, my girlfriend was driving us to the airport and the battery of our electric vehicle was making it very clear that we weren’t going to make our flight unless we stopped to charge — immediately.
It was also the worst time to find out that most electric vehicle charging stations in San Francisco either only exist on the map or are reserved for employees of whatever building they’re attached to.
After driving to a handful of stations that all turned out to be false hopes, we were driving down yet another one way street scanning both sides for the alleged station when the woman behind us got fed up with how slow my girlfriend was moving and yelled out the window:
“Drive bitch!”
Now, keep in mind, I've been called a monkey to my face by members of the Klu Klux Klan, I've been called the N-word plenty of times, and I've had people use some of my deepest traumas against me.
Dirt off my shoulder to be honest.
But when someone verbally attacked my girlfriend…
I was ready to fight.
The Moment I Saw Red
At first I thought she must've been talking to someone else so I let it slide.
But when a couple of seconds later she said it again, I saw red.
Before I knew it, my hand was on my door, ready to open it and do… I don't know what.
But my girlfriend, in her infinite wisdom, without blinking an eye goes:
“Don't worry about it, babe.”
A simple sentence said with the sweetest serenity took me from full on road rage back to standard don’t-miss-your-flight anxiety.
My girlfriend pulled off on the side of the road and the drive-by lady sped past us to get to wherever she had to go.
But hold on.
Why is it that I was ready to jump out the car and defend the honor of my girlfriend after a relatively innocuous statement like this when I wouldn’t do the same if someone had said the same to me?
The answer was obvious:
Because she matters more to me than my own feelings.
Because she matters more to me than I do, I'm willing to put myself on the line to protect her and her automotive honor.
Courage Needs Something Bigger
It's the same reason why people go to war, start a business, or say something they're afraid to say — because they have found something that is more important to them than their life, limb, or liberty.
And it's ironic because we were driving to the airport after spending the week up north where I was supporting Anthony Trucks’ Speak To Freedom program.
For two days I sat front row as aspiring speakers got on stage and tried their best to test out the kinks of their latest talks.
And even though people came in at varying levels of speaking mastery…
It was so inspiring to be in a room full of people who had a message that was more important than they were.
There’s nothing like it.
At a wedding, everyone is there to celebrate love.
At a funeral everyone is there to honor a life.
In a room like this, everyone was there to change the world.
Whether it was overcoming screen addiction or how to recover after a natural disaster — everybody was up there on the stage risking public humiliation because there was something more important to them than bombing their talk.
And I think that's beautiful.
When people put their lives, literally or proverbially, on the line for an idea or a value that is bigger than them, I think that's when the best of humanity comes out.
That’s where courage, faith, love and all the other juicy parts of being human show up.
I've never seen someone do something inspiring when they let fear run the day.
Everything that moves me happens when someone risks something for something more.
OK fine.
Maybe the best of me wouldn't have come out going up to the drive-by lady, but you get my point.
So, my question to you this week is:
What is more important than you are?
And if you would be so curious…
What parts of you come alive when you're defending something you care about?
Are you more focused when you care about something more than yourself?
Do you take bigger risks?
I would love to see the version of you that fights for something bigger than yourself.
I think that's when we become something more than just talking primates on a small rock floating through the universe.
Key takeaways
- Courage often appears when something matters more than your comfort, reputation, or fear.
- Purpose is not always found by thinking harder about yourself. Sometimes it is found by noticing what you are willing to protect, defend, build, or risk something for.
- Fear loses some of its power when you are connected to a value, person, idea, or mission that feels bigger than you.
- The best parts of being human often show up when we risk something for something more.
- If you want to understand your purpose, pay attention to what makes you more focused, more alive, and more willing to act.
Questions this insight opens
How do you find something bigger than yourself?
You find something bigger than yourself by paying attention to what naturally activates your courage, care, anger, devotion, or responsibility. It may be a person, a mission, a creative idea, a community, or a problem in the world that you cannot ignore.
Why does purpose make people more courageous?
Purpose gives fear context. When something matters deeply, discomfort becomes easier to tolerate because the risk is connected to meaning. You are no longer just trying to protect yourself. You are trying to serve, defend, build, or express something that matters.
What does it mean for something to matter more than you?
It means there is a value, person, idea, or mission you are willing to inconvenience yourself for. It does not mean self-abandonment. It means you have found something important enough to pull you beyond self-protection.
How can I know what I really care about?
Look at the moments when you become unusually focused, protective, emotional, or brave. Those reactions often reveal what your values are before your mind has had a chance to turn them into a polished answer.
How can coaching help with purpose and courage?
Coaching can help you clarify what actually matters to you, notice where fear is limiting your choices, and turn your values into real-world action. For creative leaders, founders, and high-achievers, purpose often becomes clearer when it is connected to decisions, risks, and responsibilities.
If this insight named something you’re navigating in your own life or leadership, explore coaching with Imari.
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