Building Courage
How To Feel Proud of Yourself
A story about fear, bombing at an open mic, and why pride comes from doing the thing you didn’t have to do.
Welp. I did it.
After months of going to open mics, telling myself I’d get up on stage at the “next” one — I finally pulled together the courage to put my name on the list at a comedy show last Thursday.
Let’s be clear, I know why I wanted to do it.
I’m an avid comedy fan in general, and I fantasize about it as the final frontier for challenging conversations. The battleground where thought-provoking observations make their last stand against the epidemic of cancel culture.
For me, it was an opportunity to say all the potentially problematic things that run through my mind on a daily basis and an opportunity to talk about life and the human experience without sounding preachy.
Very romantic.
So when I added my name to the list of hopeful comics, I knew why I was doing it — but that didn’t help the existential crisis I felt when I heard the words:
“…and now coming to the stage…Imari!”
uttered through the loudspeakers about halfway through the show.
The Fantasy
See, I have this thing.
This thing where I want to be naturally talented and disproportionately successful at everything I try my hand at — with absolutely no practice beforehand.
Reasonable, right?
So, though I’m not proud of it, I went into last Thursday’s show with dreams of having the crowd doubled over, gasping for air, and having some slick-looking Hollywood producer walk up to me afterwards, hand me his card, and offer me a Netflix special.
Spoiler alert:
That’s not what happened.
The Bomb
I got up on stage, popped the mic off the stand, and jumped into my set.
I rattled off a joke or two and waited for the crowd’s laughter.
Silence.
Oh boy.
How long has it been?
10 seconds?
5?
How long do I have left?
6 minutes?
I started to sweat.
Not going to plan so far.
Breathe Imari.
Breathe.
The rest of those 5 minutes either went by in a flash or at a snail’s pace, I wouldn’t know.
I hardly remember any of it and until yesterday I completely refused to watch any of the recording.
But something interesting did happen.
After I left the stage and Mr. Netflix was nowhere to be found, I got in the car and awaited the inevitable wave of self-consciousness that comes after getting up on stage in front of a bunch of half-chuckling strangers.
It never came.
Quite the opposite actually.
As I sped down the PCH, I was FULL of something.
Something like…
Pride.
I was proud of myself.
And it confused me.
I started to wonder:
What is pride?
Where does it come from?
How do we activate it?
This is what I realized:
We feel pride after doing things we didn’t have to do.
Specifically, when those things bring us fear.
I Said I Would, So I Did
Earlier that morning when I realized I was going to have a free block of time when the comedy club opened, I had a short and stressful internal debate:
Me: “I mean I could…”
My demons: “Yeah, but…”
Insert every excuse that one could possibly come up with in that situation.
Me: “Yeah sure, but… I’m gonna do it anyway.”
And I signed up.
Masochism for the win.
Then, later that evening when I pulled up to the comedy club, my mind was in fight-or-flight mode, searching for ways to convince me not to do it.
“Oh wow, there’s a lot more people in the audience than I thought there would be…”
“Oh no, there’s music playing in the background, it’ll be distracting when I’m on stage!”
“Oh shit, those lesbians in the front row definitely do NOT want to hear my dick jokes.”
And even when the host called into the microphone, “Imari, you’re next up,” my mind went:
“We can still get out! No one will notice if I just run to the bathroom and never come back…”
And every time those thoughts came up, the response was the same:
“I said I would — so I will. Breathe.”
I said I would, so I did.
Look, I’m sure having people bent over laughing and signing a 6-figure deal on a comedy club napkin would’ve felt great.
But feeling proud of myself after doing something I was scared to do — and didn’t have to — is something I can keep with me for the rest of my life.
I got to meet fear, look it in the eye, and let it know I will not be run by it.
It was amazing.
I’ve done many things in my life.
I’ve coached thousands of people, reached millions with content, and hit milestones reserved for people twice my age — but I can’t remember the last time I felt as proud of myself as I did after winning the battle against ME on a dive bar comedy stage last Thursday.
Pride only comes as a result after quitting is presented as an option.
It’s the result of meeting resistance and choosing to rise above it.
That’s the lesson.
Pride is the end product of courage.
You don’t feel proud of yourself for doing what you do every day.
You feel proud of yourself for doing the thing you want to — but don’t have to.
The thing that helps you become the person you wish to be.
Maybe pride isn’t that deadly of a sin after all.
Key takeaways
- Pride comes from doing something you did not have to do, especially when fear gave you a way out.
- You do not need to succeed at the thing to feel proud of yourself. Sometimes the pride comes from choosing to try.
- Fear will often present reasonable excuses. Courage is the moment you decide those excuses are not in charge.
- Self-respect is built when your actions prove that your word means something.
- The goal is not to avoid embarrassment. The goal is to become the kind of person who can survive it.
Questions this insight opens
How do you feel proud of yourself?
You feel proud of yourself by doing something that matters to you, especially when you had the option to avoid it. Pride usually comes from meeting resistance and choosing to act anyway.
Do I have to succeed to feel proud of myself?
No. Sometimes the deepest pride comes from trying something difficult, uncomfortable, or scary, even if the result is messy. The pride comes from honoring your word, not controlling the outcome.
Why is it hard to feel proud of yourself?
It is hard to feel proud of yourself when you only allow pride after achievement, approval, or external success. A healthier form of pride comes from courage, integrity, and doing the thing you said you would do.
What is the relationship between courage and pride?
Courage is the action. Pride is often the emotional evidence that you acted despite fear. You feel proud because some part of you knows you chose growth over avoidance.
How can coaching help with confidence and pride?
Coaching can help you identify the places where fear, shame, or perfectionism are keeping you from taking action. For creative leaders and high-achievers, confidence often grows when they start keeping promises to themselves in visible, practical ways.
If this insight named something you’re navigating in your own life or leadership, explore coaching with Imari.
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