Toxic Gratitude: When “Be Grateful” Becomes a Trap

I judge myself.

A lot.

Especially once I got into the personal development world and was inundated with clichés like “Stay present!” or “Love yourself!”

I’d judge myself every time I was distracted or self-deprecating.

It’s a cycle that never brought any peace.

And to be honest, that’s what I wanted with all this “inner work” anyway — a sense of peace.

And it seemed like all these platitudes weren’t getting me there.

So, I've been doing some reflecting and I want to offer a counterargument to one of today's most common personal development proverbs:

“Be grateful!”

Look, gratitude is great — to an extent.

There’s a point where appreciation becomes inaction.

If people were always content with what they had, we'd still be pooping in buckets, fighting polio, and drinking Coca-Cola with cocaine in it.

If it weren't for the neurotically discontent, the majority of us in the USA would still live like pilgrims in Virginia, trading porridge for smallpox.

Actually, come to think of it - no we wouldn't.

We'd be in England under tyrannical rule dreaming of tea parties and revolution.

Not a very thankful Thanksgiving after all.

If life was “good enough,” we'd treat diseases, not cure them.

And people who look like me would still be slaves.

We need the discontent.

The unsatisfied.

The dissidents who refuse the status quo.

You're allowed to want more for the world.

You're allowed to want more for yourself.

Because life can be better.

We can always be better.

Sure, stop and smell the roses.

But keep an eye on the thorns.

They'll poke your eye out if you don't prune them from time to time.

But look, maybe this article is just me justifying my chronic dissatisfaction.

The same way someone's never-ending appreciation might be justifying their chronic laziness.

Shrug.

Just like everything else, this perspective is merely meant to be an invitation into balance.

If you're constantly doing and never appreciating, life is a never-ending soul suck.

If you're constantly admiring and never creating, you'll never get to experience what you're capable of.

Gratitude often gets lumped in with this notion that something is “good enough” as it is.

But maybe the point of it all isn't to make it “good enough.”

Maybe the point is to keep making it better.

To appreciate as you innovate.

Look, what I'm trying to say here is stop trying to be something you'll never be:

Perfect.

Enlightened.

Completely content.

You're allowed to want more for yourself.

That's okay.

Keep chasing the thing you'll never catch.

In the end, you won't care that you never caught it.

You'll care if you never tried.

Gratefully,

Imari